Monday, June 24, 2013

I Want My Life Back

Well, to anyone reading this, if any, here's an update on my health nightmare... Sorry, I can't summon any other topic right now.  This is in the forefront of my brain.  I'm still stuck here at home with 100% focus on healing and getting my life back, so here goes...

Nothing has changed. I am still in constant pain and living only a half life.  My hips, pelvis and sacrum are the main issue, although the longer I go without walking (impossible with a bum hip), the worse my back pain becomes.  I'm worried that without the walking (I had done up until three weeks ago), my back will only continue to worsen.  Walking is good for back injuries, however it is terrible for bad hips.

Three weeks ago, Dr. E., a sports medicine doctor, looked me over, ordered more x-rays and then diagnosed me with SI joint dysfunction.  He also said my pelvis is misaligned from side to side.  I also have a sacral torsion from front to back, according to my physical therapist.  And, as per my sports medicine doc, my IT band is snapping, causing additional pain into my left leg.  Fun stuff all around.  He suggested I continue with targeted PT and see him in three weeks.

After following his instructions, as well as those of my PT, here I am, three weeks later without much progress.  The only slight improvement is my abs, glutes, abductors and adductors are getting stronger.  But the pain is no better, if not worse.  I cannot walk without a limp, so my PT said I have to use a cane.  Wonderful news for a woman of only fifty.  But I do it.  Anything if it helps.

Dr. E. and I meet again tomorrow and I will tell him I've had it.  Now I'm more than desperate.  I'm frantic.  I'm bordering on suicidal.  I need my life back and NOW!  I don't know how long I'll hold onto my sanity at this rate.  My emotional meltdowns are increasing in frequency.  My poor husband.  I know how hard this has been for him, listening to my howling, wiping my tears, helping with extra chores I cannot do.  

I had a meltdown today simply because I received a nice card from my family.  I retrieved the mail, opened and read the card while walking back  up to the house and burst into tears.  Thank God I got into the house before I frightened the neighbors.  The pain of missing them is heart-wrenching.  A part of me is missing because I haven't seen any of them in a year.  It's the longest I've been away from my family without a visit.

Today I will drive to the YMCA and try their pool again.  I cannot do much except for walk around in the shallow end and lift the legs out to the sides and behind me (abductors and glute muscles).

And tomorrow, I'll beg Dr. E. to hasten this healing process any way he can.  Maybe it's time for another cortisone shot or two.... or a nerve block... or a tens unit...  anything!!

More later... thank you for listening.